Because I said so.

People are pretty weird. I just read about a reality-show contestant who apparently murdered his ex-wife and then killed himself. This in and of itself isn't so weird; if I were regularly featured on TMZ, I would have ended it all, too. Consider, however, the following:

1. The guy mangled this woman's body so badly that she had to be identified by the serial numbers on her breast implants.

2. Breast implants have serial numbers?

3. Possibly so the government can track all those radicals who are also porn stars and strippers. The thing they use to scan the serials is secreted away in the mouth of some rich, drunk asshole around your dad's age. Yuck.

4. The Yahoo! news article makes a big fuss about the town where this guy was staying when he offed himself being such a backwater. The place was called the Thunderbird Motel (which, as residents are quick to point out, is "kind of seedy" - well DOY) and Rambo was filmed there. Oh, and apparently the townies like to carve things with chainsaws?

5. The shows this guy was on? "Megan Wants a Millionaire" and "I Love Money." Yeah. Bitter tears of loss and disappointment on this one.

Think about this. The only reason that money is valuable is because governments declare it valuable. It isn't even a commodity that people want; it's just paper or cheap metal. This is called "fiat money" and pretty much every country who's any country uses it. And people say language doesn't have the power to shape reality! Pff.



"Hey, you know that stuff you want, like food and shelter? Well, funny thing; if you don't have a lot of these little pieces of paper, you're pretty much screwed. Also, we get to print the money, but in order for YOU to get it, you have to work. Don't ask me why, I didn't make the rules. OH WAIT YES I DID."

Did you know that refusing money offered cancels a debt in the same way that accepting money does? I sure didn't!

People used to barter and, more often, give and receive gifts to make their way in this crazy world. A lot of societies used real commodities, like grain, to determine what money was worth. And then, a lot of people used cowry shells.

Which are actually a type of these guys:

Aw.

Moral of the story: don't get obsessed about money, because sea creatures are intrinsically just as good, if not better. A lot cuter, anyway. Somebody should probably mint a coin with that little charmer on it; they'd sell like gothcakes. Also, never go on reality TV, because you'll later murder your ex-wife and hang yourself in the town where they made Rambo. Wait, what?